Blue Elephant.

Don't think of the blue elephant.

How do you not think about the blue elephant?

Mediating helps, mostly, but I can't meditate all fucking day.

It's not fading away. I never realized before what a defense mechanism poor memory is. I would give anything to misremember this, to have it be unclear or fuzzy. I don't want to remember in clear detail the feel of the shadow looming over me, the look of fear on Elena's face, the dust clinging to the street sign, the determination in Blink's eyes. I don't want to remember the look of the blood on Lucy's stomach, the hint of ghostly intestines peeking through her pale image. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to.

Leave me alone.

I'm so tired.

So god-damn tired.

I want to sleep, but whenever I do I remember it. I remember the specter, and worse, I remember the feeling of the specter. The wrongness, the howling horror of it, the terrifying twisted humanity. I could be that one day. We could all be that one day. How could we be that one day?

Oh God.

I want it to stop. I want it to go away. But it never will. Never.

Don't think of the blue elephant.

You can't, can you?